


Haunt All of My What Ifs

by JustAMessAtThisPoint



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, IT'S A FAKE DATING AU, Lena Luthor sort of knows Kara Danvers is Supergirl, sort of in the canon universe, they haven't had 'the talk' yet, they're both gay and useless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:07:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28626228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAMessAtThisPoint/pseuds/JustAMessAtThisPoint
Summary: When Lena asks Kara for favour she immediately says yes. And if that favour just so happens to risk changing everything for the both of them then so be it. Kara is willing to risk it all, because that's what friends are for... Right?
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 44
Kudos: 559





	1. Just a Little Favour

Kara doesn’t understand elevators. Well, that’s not entirely true, she gets the general mechanical workings of an elevator. 

It’s more the concept of the elevator itself, why anyone would choose to lock themselves in a box with no windows for any amount of time is beyond her. Had she not been travelling to the 42nd floor she would've considered taking the stairs, the walls beginning to feel a little tight around her as she ascends. 

One day, she'll have the freedom to just fly up to Lena's balcony, to waltz through the door without the costume or the act. To be open with her friend. But for now all that Kara knows for certain is that humans sure do enjoy putting themselves in boxes. 

Comparative to others, Lcorps elevators aren’t as bad as they could be. The security is polite and there’s always some form of instrumental to a pop song playing in the background, today it’s a recognisable melody that Kara can’t quite place. That’s totally going to bug her for the rest of the day.

With the mystery song still ringing in her ears, Kara exits the elevator into the reception of the 42nd floor, sitting on one of the available chairs when she sees the front desk is unoccupied. The magazine on the coffee table is Catco’s but it’s outdated by at least three issues, Kara can tell because her own stupid face is staring back at her from the cover. Well, Supergirl’s stupid face, not that there’s much dfference. The company had gained an ‘exclusive’ with the town hero at Snapper’s insistence and Kara had spent a whole two days trying to frame her questions and answers in a way that didn’t sound like the two were coming from the same person. 

The door to Lena's office unlatches from down the hall. Kara sits to attention at the new sound. Zoning in on Lena's voice and heartbeat. She sounds strained, research and development reports are late apparently. The door closes again and Jess appears at the end of the hall moments later, faltering at the sight of her but smiling at Kara as she looks up. “Miss Danvers you’re early.” 

"Snapper jumped at the possibility of an exclusive," Kara smiles, leaning forward and whispering conspiratorially, "between you and me, news might be a little slow at the moment." 

Jess doesn't exactly respond, humming through a voice crack and retreating to behind her desk. failing to meet Kara's eyes. Concerned, she stretches her hearing back to Lena in her office. Picking up the distinct sound of her swearing to herself. Something heavy drops into Kara's stomach at the frantic note to her tone. 

"I'm sure miss Luthor wont fail to disappoint." Jess offers practically lunging for her phone before Kara can attempt to continue the conversation. She gives a scripted greeting into the device, a totally normal action for a secretary. If the phone had ever been ringing in the first place.

That pit in her stomach begins to grow steadily as Kara makes her way down the hall towards Lena's office, pausing outside the heavy door to pull at the collar of her buttoned shirt. She’d worn blue today, she always looked best in blue. 

Lena isn't behind her desk when she pushes open the door. Instead she stands at the bar cart, in the process of pouring herself a generous glass of whiskey. An action not entirely irregular for the CEO, but it is a little worrying to witness at 11am on a Tuesday.

“Difficult morning?” It’s the wrong question to ask. Kara can tell by the grimace that appears on Lena's face before she takes a sip. 

"That would be an apt description," Lena is turned away from her now, headed to her desk and Kara doesn’t quite understand her tone. Lena’s quick attempt to put her immaculately styled desk between them feeling awfully like a retreat, sans a white flag. Lena places her drink down before she sits, lacking her usual grace, Kara edges towards her own seat, trying to avoid any sudden movements and attempting to make her approach to whatever may be going on as gentle as possible. She sits across from Lena, posture unwittingly as stiff as the chair. “I’m afraid I have bad news.” 

Kara eye’s the whiskey glass, “alright, I guess- uh, that’s ok.” Lena’s breathing is heavy, with a quiver in her lip as if she’s either going to cry or has been crying, “Lena is everythi-”

“There’s no exclusive.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have nothing for you to report, I called because I needed to see you regarding something that happened in a meeting with the board this morning," Kara realises she’d been sitting on the edge of her seat, she slides back into it, sagging at the thought of what exactly Snapper is going to say when she comes back empty handed. "I needed to see you as quickly as possible. I've made an incredibly stupid mistake and I knew talk of an exclusive would be the quickest way to get you here. Without getting you into any trouble." The tone of Lena's voice had become frantic by the end of her explanation, and Kara feels herself moving forward to comfort her but the vast expanse of Lena's great white desk stops her in such a way that makes her eyes heat momentarily. Lena remains with an absence of comfort, Kara watches as she sags into herself elbows on the desk, face in her hands. 

“What happened?” Kara's voice is quiet when she speaks. She's reached across the table now, thinking briefly to hold Lena's hand but decides instead to take the whiskey glass. Placing it on her side of the desk and out of the distressed woman’s reach. Lena remains in her own hands speaking into her palms and shielding herself from her friend's reaction.

“Edge was here today, he’s a member of the investors board. Peacocking bastard. He decided to make another go at a higher stake of the company, harping on about how a Luthor couldn't be trusted with control, how it crazes us, how it crazed Lex. Tried to prove again that I was headed down the same path. Apparently nothing was off the table today and.. He really got under my skin.” Lena removes her hands looking very sorry for herself tossing a look to the whiskey but not making any attempts to move it closer. “I know I shouldn’t have taken the bait, I know I should've left it alone. But then he started talking about how a Luthor couldn't feel love, that they- that we were incapable of being loved. Of course, this is the least professional thing he could have possibly said, but the other members of the board were too busy eating their popcorn at the scene he was causing to give a single shit about professionalism. He just kept going, shit-eating little grin smeared across his greasy little face, that-that I just wanted to knock him off his pedestalled soapbox that I just said the first thing that came to mind.” Kara has gotten up by now, kneeling by Lena, her chair swiveled to face her.

“What did you say?” 

Lena shifts as if Kara being so close is causing her discomfort, but grabs at her hands when Kara makes to move them from where they’d fallen to rest atop of hers in her lap. There’s a pause and Kara wishes for nothing more than to stay in it, to calm the heart that’s racing through the brunette's chest. Lena sways in her seat lightly before speaking, “He was saying so much about my love life, I just slipped right into his stupid trap. I knew was being set up, I knew it was trap, he was really just talking so much-”

“-Lena, what did you say?” 

“I told him I was engaged.” With this admission Lena sags back into the cushioning of her chair and Kara removes her hands from Lena's to sit back on her haunches and really mull through the implications of this slip. That’s fine. Who cares what Morgan Edge thinks he knows? “I told him I was engaged loudly in a room full of investors and stakeholders.” That’s less fine. “And then Susan Green decided it would be a fantastic idea to invite my fiance to the upcoming charity gala.” 

Oh no, Susan. 

Lena has regained her whiskey glass when Kara looks back up. She’s already taking a lengthy sip when Kara sits back down in her seat, desk back between them and the pit beginning to form again Kara’s stomach, she has a bad feeling about this. Lena drains the glass. 

“Who uh- who are you going to be.. Engaged with?” feeling both heavy and fidgety Kara watches Lena as she stands, moving again towards the bar cart. Kara doesn't stop her, Lena doesn't pour herself a drink but stays facing away from Kara. The bad feeling remains and Kara thinks it might be justified. 

“I have a few options, I suppose. There’s Jess, but almost anyone paying attention would be aware that she’s my assistant, which is highly unprofessional and would probably require a raise that would put her higher than me on the payroll. There’s Sam, but she’s in Metropolis and my CFO. And then there’s you,” Lena remains unmoving as she speaks her heartbeat steadily picking up as she lists her options, “you’re the reporter I give the majority of my press releases and exclusives too, and whilst that isn’t a great look, you are also my best option beyond paying an actor. Comparatively, of course.” Lena turns now looking close to tears with a heart that must be close to bursting with how it’s hammering. Kara inclines her head towards the sound and doesn’t quite realise the implications of the area she’s staring at until Lena is clearing her throat.

Kara can tell by the heating of her ears that she has gone the colour of Lena’s lipstick, starting to nod as if Lena had asked her a question, frantic to never speak of where exactly on Lena she might have been looking. “Sure, I mean why not? I mean, it’s just a gala right?” Kara has the distinct feeling of wanting to get sucked into the ground, she’s sure accounting downstairs will get a kick out of watching her phase through the floor, chair and all, on her way down. 

Lena smiles for what feels like the first time since Kara arrived. Heart continuing to skyrocket. If Kara weren’t so focused on unclenching her hands from where they’re knitted together in her lap, she might be inclined to ask Lena if she’s ok. Lena sits and Kara stands, one far more graceful than the other. Kara trips a little on her way to standing, hands still knitted together. Lena’s smile disappears again and she stands back up with her when she realises after a beat that Kara most certainly doesn’t plan to be sitting again. Lena’s voice is considerably more level when she next speaks.

“You don’t have to, I know it’s a lot to ask-“

“-I want to.” 

“Kara-“ 

“-I’m serious Lena, I want to.” And Kara really does want to, possibly for all the wrong reasons, possibly maybe for all the wrong feelings, feelings she really shouldn’t be thinking about right now not when Lena is looking at her with so much concern. “I just don’t know what I’m going to tell Snapper, when I come back with no news to report.” There, that’s not entirely a lie. 

Lena is still looking at her like she doesn't believe that’s the reason for her sudden need to move. But she seems to take it for what it is after a moment and for the first time since Kara arrived Lena approaches her, stopping to stand directly in front of her, maybe a little closer than what is strictly necessary. Kara feels like she might not be entirely touching the ground with how much energy is flowing through her right now. “How about we sit back down on the couch, I tell Jess to bring us some lunch from that chinese place you like, and I tell cub-reporter Kara Danvers all about L-corps upcoming food-drive.” 

“Yeah, yeah that’ll work.” Shoulders lowering and allowing herself to be guided to the couch, Lena’s hand at the small of her back. 

By the time Kara leaves it’s with a fuller stomach and a clouded mind. Jess gives her an encouraging smile and a little thumbs up as she passes her desk, and Kara is hit with the distinct feeling like that girl knows a whole lot more than she lets on. She wonders if she has some way of listening in.

It’s back in the elevator that Kara really begins to think about the implications of what she’s agreed to, the itching feeling at the base of her skull a distinct indication that she really needs to call her sister. Alex will know what to do and if she doesn’t, Kara will ask her to pretend to. What in the world has she gotten herself into? This gala isn’t just some random private function, the Luthor Charity’s annual gala is an event, a very, very public event. With cameras and people and press, Oh my! Kara doesn’t think she’s in Kansas anymore. 

Kara’s not the best employee, don’t get her wrong, she was a darn good assistant. But that was mostly because she almost constantly used her powers. Anticipating and executing actions according to Ms.Grant's needs in a way that was a little too fast to be human being the primary reason she was so good at her job. It was also a small enough position to not raise any suspicion amongst her coworkers. Perhaps, maybe, a little suspicion on Cat’s end, but she seems to only really use it as cannon fodder for personal teasing rather than any sort of blackmail. 

Working as a cub reporter has proven itself to be a much harder cover up, she loves her job, she really does. But her powers are often more of a hinderance than a saviour. Sure, she can follow up in the field on far more dangerous stories, without risking herself. But in an industry that requires sources and qualifiers and a constant stream of who, where and when, it becomes significantly difficult to use her powers in any sort of research gathering capacity. which makes up the majority of her job as it currently stands. On top of all that all her Supergirl duties constantly forcing her to randomly duck out all the time, Kara often wonders how she hasn’t been fired, or at least not fired again. But that first time didn’t really count.

She has a sneaking suspicion it’s because Ms Grant secretly gave her some sort of immunity when she left her assistant role. That or the fact that she's the only one who can get an interview or any quote for that matter, from the city’s resident superhero. The irony that the thing that constantly gets her in hot water is the thing that possibly keeps her from getting fired is not lost on her.

There’s a Supergirl emergency on her way back to the office. A rogue alien down near the docks had lost control of their powers unexpectedly and had to be talked down. And whilst it’s a welcome distraction, Kara is a little disappointed how quick it is to solve. She had been hoping for something a little more action packed to really clear her mind over. Maybe Alex's partner Kelly was right to suggest seeing a therapist.She’s not sure wanting to throw things into the sun is a healthy coping mechanism. 

Catco's quiet when she finally manages to whirl her way through the bullpen and into her office. No one stops her closing herself off, and Kara is once again thankful to Cat for gifting her with her own four walls. She spends the rest of the afternoon alone, typing up a draft about a food drive that upon further investigation may not have been an actuality until Lena spoke into existence this morning. The usually annual occasion having already happened three months ago.

With no real substance to it but Lena’s word that it will happen, and Kara really not wanting to think about the gala right now. She writes out a short puff piece on the event and avoids all thoughts of the gala altogether. Snapper will be absolutely frothing at the mouth to learn that his all important exclusive had amounted to this. 

She sends it in anyway, Snapper’s comments be damned. It’ll probably amount to enough for an online feature, maybe. He’ll still be chasing her down for the spring issue regardless. They’re yet to secure a noteworthy enough cover feature. Which means Snapper is snapping harder than usual and Cat is monitoring all of her more reliable sources with an eagle eye. Kara, along with most of her coworkers, try to stay out of both offices unless absolutely necessary. 

Despite all the promises she made to herself about not letting this consume her until she gets home. Kara doesn’t get a whole lot more work done that day, instead she packs her bag 30 minutes early and waits out the clock until it’s socially acceptable to be seen leaving the office. Promising herself that she’ll work on her other deadline when she gets home. 

Her apartment doesn't alleviate her slump. There's a rock in her stomach and an ache in her bones. She'd woken up today excited to eat the pizza saved in her fridge but as she places it out onto the counter she finds herself without an appetite. 

After her trip to the docks today, Jonn had assigned himself and Nia to hero duty tonight. Citing that Kara deserved a night off after all the work she's been doing as Supergirl lately. She doesn't enjoy the idea of being benched but she sure the team can handle it. So, Kara has her time truly to herself for a change, with no distractions. Alone. To contemplate… Lena. 

She makes it all of five minutes before she’s texting Alex. 

Her laptop is screaming at her from her bag with how poorly productive she’d been during the day. In the twenty minutes it takes for Alex to arrive with their take out Kara has awkwardly plugged out two sentences that will definitely need rewriting later. 

“You’ll burn a hole through your screen if you stare any longer.” Alex lets herself into both Kara’s apartment and her fridge. “And you have a crinkle.” The leftover pizza slaps down onto the counter along with a grease sweated bag of Big Belly Burger. Kara reaches for the bag and snaps her laptop shut, hearing something crack in the keyboard and wincing, sliding it further down the counter and hoping that there’s nothing broken. She’s pretty sure she’s quickly running out of repair favours from Brainy.

"I think I'm having a crisis." Kara whines, grabbing at the fries. 

"Like 'the word is ending, prepare the hero's speech" or like," Alex leans against the counter next to her gesturing broadly as she speaks, "'my emotions are confusing, please help me.' sort of crisis?"

"The second one." Kara mumbles. Her voice sounds grating to her own ears, strangling against her will. The fries are soggy but warm, she shoves a handful into her mouth to avoid elaborating. Slumping forward into her chair until her forehead hits the cool laminate of the counter.

“How is it that, that was the least likely of the two?"

“I’d prefer the world ending.” She admits, Alex rolls her eyes at her picking up both the burgers and the pizza and making herself comfortable on Kara’s couch, spreading the food over her coffee table and taking a large bite of the pizza slice closest to her.

Kara slides out of her stool, appetite unchanged but seeking the comfort of food regardless. She curls in next to her sister, accepting the offered burger and fiddling with it’s paper wrapping until it rips. 

“Lena,” the ripped corner of the wrapping is bright red and crunches between Kara’s fingertips, “she-uh. She’s asked me to do something for her.” 

“Is it illegal?” 

“No.” 

“Is it sexual?” 

“Alex.” 

Alex raises her hands in defence, waving a pizza crust around as she does. “I’m just trying to gauge why Lena asking for a favour is crinkle-worthy.” She’s talking with her mouth full, Kara’s ripped wrapper is a tiny red ball. 

“She wants me to go to this charity gala with her.”

“Alright, how is th-“

“-She wants me to go to the gala with her, as her fiancé.” The red ball is lost to the couch cushions in favour of Kara running a smoothing hand through her hair. Scratching at the back of her head. Her sister’s eyebrows raise. 

“She proposed? That’s... skipping a few steps.” Alex chews thoughtfully on her pizza crust and gives Kara a look like this conversation is amusing but somehow unsurprising.

“That’s more like skipping the staircase entirely. And that wasn’t my point.” 

The way she launches into detail might have been overwhelming to anyone that wasn't her sister. info-dumping everything until the weight from her shoulders budges a little bit. She thinks there might be some super speed applied to her words with how fast she’s talking. But Alex seems to be listening quite intently. 

She’s got that look on her face like Kara is missing something important, the kind of face she received a lot from her as a teen, not quite understanding the ‘human’ way of doing things. Kara is struck with the distinct feeling of being very young and entirely inept.

She continues talking until there's nothing more to tell, collapsing back into the cushions and looking to her sister when she's done. Alex remain with her elbows on her knees, leaned towards her like she's expecting there to be more. neither of them speak for several heavy moments, it's as if she can hear the gears turning in her sisters mind. Alex straightens but remains silent.

Kara braces for the worst. Braces to hear all about what an idiot she is for agreeing to this. Something so stupid, something so within the public eye. Surely Alex is going to absolutely lose her shit over this. 

And she does, just not in the yelling way Kara had expected. 

Instead her sister’s face contorts for a moment before she’s keeling over in laughter. Somehow, this reaction makes her yearn to be yelled at instead. And Kara is up and halfway across the living room before Alex can pull herself back up from the floor. “I’m not joking.”

Alex wipes at her eyes whilst Kara begins her pacing. She continues her movements as Alex cradles her fallen pizza slice, lost to the laughing fit. “I didn’t think you were joking, it’s just so fucking stupid.” Alex inspects her pizza slice, brushing at the base and squinting in suspicion at non-existent dust. “I mean, I would expect this kind of idea from you but I didn’t think Lena would become such a dumbass under pressure.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, she-she’s asking me to be her fiancé, I've never been a fiancé, what if I do something wrong in front of all of those super important-“

“-Kara, if you pace anymore you’re going to put scorch marks into the floor.” Alex is up, pausing to make sure Kara has come to a complete stop before grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge and circling back to the couch dragging her sister with her. 

There’s something wrong with her couch, Kara can’t seem to find a position she can sit in for longer than 20 seconds. The patchwork blanket she loved dearly that’s draped over the back of the couch is causing an itch across her shoulders that’s become unbearable.

“Kara, if you don’t stop squirming the couch is going to tip and take us both down.” 

“I think there’s something wrong with my blanket.” She’s got handfuls of the quilt now, staring down at it in betrayal. It’s hot and itchy and suffocating her. She needs to get out of this room, maybe fly around the city for a few laps. 

"Kara, I can hear the stitches tearing." Her sister is giving her a look, hands on hers. The laughter from earlier is gone, she lets the blanket go. "What's really going on up there?" she ask softly, tapping lightly at Kara's temple, leaving her hand there to smooth over blonde locks.

“Lena wants me to pretend to be her fiancé.” 

“Yes, and...?”

“Lena asked me specifically to play the part of her fiancé.” 

“Yep.” 

“Lena has multiple gay lady friends who could’ve possibly been better suited to do this for her, but she chose me.”

“I find your use of the term ‘gay lady friends’ a weird choice, but yes that too.” 

“Lena-“ Kara cuts herself off, unsure of how to continue. Unsure is a good word to describe how she’s feeling right now. Unsure. Unsure. Unsure. 

“Lena.” Alex nods solemnly like she understands, but how can she? How can she understand something that Kara doesn’t understand yet? How can she sit there and act like she knows? What does she know? What doesn’t Kara know?

"Every time I think I'm close to understanding her. Something changes and I'm confused again." 

"Is confusion such a bad thing?"

"I'm not sure yet." Kara admits, her sister bumps her shoulder to hers, they watch a movie. And when her sister isn't paying attention, Kara stretches her hearing across the city, settling in a penthouse at the high-end of town. She falls asleep to the sounds of her sister's choice of movie and a heartbeat steadily thumping miles away.


	2. Will They, Won't They

Lena texts her two days later. They end up going to lunch together in a restaurant expensive enough that the menu doesn't advertise the prices. The waitstaff are hovering by their table, but not offering them anything. She can feel the heat of someone's eyes on her, it makes her shoulders square. Lena crosses and uncrosses her legs under the table, either thinking that Kara doesn't notice or not noticing herself. 

Wrapping her head around this gala situation seems to get more difficult as the event draws closer. The reality of exactly what Lena is asking her to do is setting in in increments. In less than ten days she's going to have to pose for people and cameras, holding Lena and smiling like that's normal. 

Rao, she going to have to hold Lena, to touch her and- 

-and that is not a train of thought that she needs to be having right now. They should probably have a conversation in the near future about all of this.

Gosh, she’s already a mess around Lena generally but Lena dressed up to the nines? Kara really isn’t sure how  she's going to be able to handle herself in that situation.  But she’s going to have to figure it out because they’re doing this. They’re doing this, and Lena is staring at her. 

No, not her, her hand. 

More specifically what’s in her hand,  and when she looks for herself she can see why. She's been so in her head that she hasn't been paying attention to her strength. The fork she had been holding more of a pretzel than a utensil.

“Uh, wow. Really flimsy cutlery they have here.” Her smile is shaky and sheepish and she knows it. Lena raises her eyebrow at her from across the table flicking the menu over and perusing the wine list. 

“Not really, but I’m giving you a pass on this one because now really isn’t the time to get into that.” Right,  _ that _ . That thing that has conveniently slipped Kara’s mind every time she’s started a conversation with Lena. That thing that really is a very important detail in Kara’s life that Lena has definitely picked up on. “May I ask what’s got you mangling the cutlery?” 

The smile on Lena's face when she asks is comforting and calm in a way that makes something in Kara's heart twinge. The menu becomes increasingly fascinating as she fails to form the right words.  She counts the letters in the word ‘hamburger’ three times before Lena is reaching across the table grasping at Kara’s wrist and gently removing the fork from her grip and further damage.

“I-I think I’m going to get the hamburger special with the extra fries, what about you?” Kara says it with a flair of her hand towards the menu, Lena gives her a look for it. She pulls the menu closer to her regardless. 

“I’ll be having the vegetarian tacos and the 2017 pinot.” She’s humouring her but there’s a dry note to her voice that Kara knows means she’s not getting away with anything. Lena recrosses her legs again under the table, fiddling with the silver ring on her thumb. Kara watches as she spins it.  "Should I hazard a guess that I might have something to do with this?" She gestures to what’s left of the fork on the table. They should probably hide that before the waitstaff take notice. 

“It’s not-” 

“Darling-“ 

“-It’s not your fault Lena.” She’s raised her voice too much, the waiter paused his water pouring at a separate table to stare at her. Kara slides down her chair a little, conscious of lowering her voice this time, “This whole engagement thing just threw me for a bit of a loop I guess.” 

“No kidding.”  The smile she gives is a little exasperated combined with her raised eyebrows,  quietly sliding the twisted cutlery into her bag. 

"I guess this all just a little..." Kara gestures vaguely hoping to conjure up a good word to describe her feelings, "...intense." 

"And not to mention incredibly stupid." 

"Alex might have called you a dumbass." She reveals, Lena laughs open and surprising, green eyes alight in the low light of the restaurant. Kara allows herself a moment to stare. 

"Well, if you can't be a dumbass with your friends then who else can you do it with?" Lena teases, elbows on the table and leaning towards her. Her heartbeat is hammering in a way that becomes distracting for Kara, fighting the urge to follow the sound with her gaze. The chair squeaks under her as she squirms.

Lena leans back in her chair in a movement that is clearly meant to be smoother than it is, brushing at her immaculate hairdo like there’s an imaginary strand out of place. The waitstaff continue to walk past and around their table, no one coming to interrupt the silence that has engulfed the table. Lena looks close to calling someone over herself. 

There’s someone in the corner speaking to the manager,  "I demand that Luthor woman be removed from the premises, you know what her family did right?" She hears the woman say. There’s no way that Lena is within earshot but Kara watches as she deflates regardless.

"you know you have to go through with this right?" a mask has fallen and suddenly Lena looks exhausted, "please just tell me that you know you don't have to do this." There's something like concern in Lena's eyes, and Kara yearns to comfort her. She opens and closes her mouth as if what she can't think to say might just fall out if she tries hard enough. She must hesitate too long in responding to Lena's heartbeat beginning to escalate again, grabbing for her bag. "I should never have asked this of you."  She’s up and out of her seat and Kara is frozen in place. You would think someone with super reflexes would be able to think a little faster, but Lena is gone before Kara says a word.

Alone at the table with no food and empty glasses Kara realises that she’s failed. That she has to fix this situation as quickly as possible, the thought of having let Lena down heavy in her stomach. She has to save this. 

Snapper gives her food drive article back to her covered in red pen and disappointment, she’ll have to think of something far more in depth for the summer issue. She spends too long in the afternoon trying to think of a better way to spin her concepts.  Her phone buzzes off her desk with notifications from the superfriends group chat. Ignoring them in favour of stressing more.

The whiteboard in the corner of her office is filled with subpar ideas. Her notebook taking a beating, pages ripped out and strewn across the room. She almost breaks her glasses and her keyboard twice in frustration But with a new outline due and only a torn apart concept to work from she feels like the chaos is justified. 

She finally gives up for the evening when she realises the sun has already set and that she's officially running late for game night at Alex's.

She sends a warning text before she arrives, thankful that Alex had the forethought to open the window for her as she flies through the opening at speed. She misjudges her landing significantly and barrel rolls into the side of Alex’s mantle. She doesn’t break anything but Kelly fusses over her regardless dark brown eyes wide as she brushes off the non-existent rubble from Kara's shoulders, still probably not very used to the whole invulnerable superhero concept. Kara lets her absently smoothing stray pieces of blonde hair back into her ponytail feeling pleasantly windswept. 

Winn and James greet her from their shared spot on the floor, pink around the nose and giggling to themselves. The clear head-start they've had on their drinking is the most obvious sign that Kara is late. Winn spins himself towards her, pointing and gesturing with his beer, eye's alight and brown hair tousled out of its usual quiff.

“Hey! Hey Ka- Hey Kara! Do you think that superman likes me? Because I would really like for him to like me, like really, really, really-“ 

“-Winn. I'm sure he finds you incredibly fascinating but if you spill that beer on my carpet, the next time he sees you will be at your funeral.” Alex warns, watching from the couch, James guides him back to a sitting position on the floor.

“You think he would go to my funeral?” Winn flops back down starry-eyed and clearly mystified with this new train of thought, James rolls his eyes but pats his head affectionately taking another swig of his own beer. 

The pre-established buzz of the people around her makes for a quieter atmosphere than the usual, filled with small talk in low voices and floating between conversations. 

The kitchen has become a dumping ground for snacks. The counter at the far end of the apartment piled high with bowls and platters of finger food and warm feelings. 

Brainy and Nia are put to work setting up the first game board, bickering over the timing rules for charades. A game that Brainy is notoriously terrible at.

As the seventh arrival, Kara is left without a partner for the first two rounds. She instead acts as mediator between the partners. Lena is usually her game night partner, Alex preferring to play with her girlfriend most weeks. 

She switches out with James as Winn's partner later in the night after a particularly impassioned rendition of 'the circle of life.' 

"I'm not drunk enough for this shit." Alex states swigging from her beer and pouting.

"I think it's sweet, don't pretend you don't love a bit of Disney." Kelly replies, nudging at her knee and giving her a sweet smile. The puppy stare they share following makes Kara stomach churn a little. 

The group slowly merge further together, crowding onto one couch huddling together and buzzed. It’s cramped and loud and makes actually reaching the board from where she’s sitting quite difficult but it’s everything Kara needs to drown out herself. Allowing the merriment of the people around her to stabilise her and lift her out of her mind for a while.

Monopoly is what causes the group to take a break from boardgames, Brainy cleaning them all out and insisting it’s all just numbers. James has to actively stop a fight from breaking out. 

Kara ends up in the kitchen eating burnt microwave spinach puffs, they’re filled with vegetables but also covered in cheese so it doesn’t count. She thinks of how Lena would scold her if she knew how much junk she’s been eating recently and suddenly she's diving back into a train of thought she’s been unintentionally avoiding since this morning. Lena’s eyes begin to haunt her again, the way they watered as she walked away, how quick she was to run from Kara. Through a mouthful of spinach puffs she sighs accidentally spitting puff pastry dust over the clean kitchen counter. She chokes on the inhale. Coughing out more pastry and attracting the attention of everyone within the studio apartment. 

She rights herself. "I'm fine, I'm ok!" She assures, throwing a thumbs up and some finger guns in for good measure. 

She doesn't use super speed to clean up the mess she's made. Taking her time to wipe up all of the pasty dust, Alex appears next to her at some point, hovering over her shoulder. She continues to scrub at the bench regardless.

Kara remains in the kitchen for the rest of game night, finding excuses to make people drinks or clear away plates, the repetitive motions of dish cleaning keeping her occupied. The group migrate over slowly after James announces he’ll be taking Winn home, the latter hanging from the former, brown hair mussed and in his face as he grins dopily at the rest of the group. Waving enthusiastically when he realises that James is dragging him out of the apartment. Kara wonders how exactly James will go getting him into the car, voicing her concerns to Kelly who laughs at her brother's expense. 

The group dwindles again when Brainy announces his departure as well, posture stiff but swaying from his dip into Alex’s whiskey supply. He salutes to the room and leaves, Nia following soon after because, “well, you ladies know I have to get my beauty sleep.” Winking and finger guns as she exits. 

This would‘ve been an appropriate time for Kara to leave as well, but she overstays her welcome a short while longer. She cleans the kitchen past point of necessity and then picks up the empty bottles that have accumulated in the living room. Alex and Kelly both watch her from their curled up position of the couch, but say nothing past a simple ‘thank you’. She leaves through the front door, and walks home at a human’s pace, not feeling like flying tonight. 

After she’s gone Alex and Kelly will express their concern for her, the kitchen cloth torn apart, rendered useless and smoking from heat vision sitting between them. 

Three days, it’s been three days and Kara hasn’t been able to pick up her phone. She knows that she shouldn’t be avoiding it, she knows that she really should just call her but she’s just so busy. Juggling her supergirl duties, her day job, and her procrastination, there just isn't time. 

Lena seems to give in before she does and turns up at her door, arms filed with takeout from the Chinese place down the street. It’s a clear attempt at a peace offering as she shakily smiles at Kara over top of the bags. The smell of it will linger in the hallway and possibly Lena's car for the next week, but Kara warms at the fact that the brunette had braved the grease to make her happy. 

Once her kitchen table is laden with enough food for a small banquet,  and Kara means to talk about it the moment she sees her, while there's still time to change everything.  But Lena seems determined to not say a word more than she needs to. She makes herself comfortable in Kara’s apartment, pulling out plates and wine glasses serving the both of them food, Kara’s plate piled high. Her actions are fast and she avoids eye contact the whole time, seeming to deliberately keep the counter between them, despite how Kara moves to try and stand with her. 

They end up in the living room in separate chairs, Lena looks so small curled into herself in the centre of the couch. Drowning in a sweater that might’ve been hers once upon a time. It makes Kara feel terrible, knowing that Lena had to come to her, that she felt the need to bring food to make her comfortable. Like the discomfort between them is all Lena's fault. Lena’s eyes are shiny as she picks at her food, they need to talk, they need to talk right now. But Kara just can’t seem to get any sort of words out. Her mouth is dry, she takes a long sip of her wine in hopes of clearing the feeling. 

Kara has watched enough shitty romcoms to know that this whole thing is a bad idea. Alex was right she’s not a good liar. Supergirl is one thing but that lie is mostly avoidance, slipping into dark alleys and empty elevators. This can’t be avoided, they would have to stand in front of people and actively lie to all of them. There’s no way they can go quietly either, the guests of the gala are chomping at the bit to gain any sliver of information, any dirt on Lena that they could use against her. They’ll have questions, they’ll want to pry. 

Lena doesn’t deserve to have to brave that alone, at least if Kara goes with her she can protect her. Not that Lena can’t protect herself, Lena is perfectly capable of defending herself, especially in verbal disputes. But she has asked for her help. She’s asked for Kara to be there with her and she’s failing her. 

Her food’s untouched and she knows that she really should try to eat it before it gets cold but Lena has this look on her face, like she’s waiting for her to tell her it’s ok. There’s an itching at the base of her skull and Kara feels herself burning up slowly, she thinks she might be going red but there’s no way for her to tell. Her eyes sting and her stomach churns. Is the room shrinking? 

What if Lena goes alone and they ridicule her for it? What if by not going she causes an awful chain of events that leads to them holding power over Lena forever? What if this makes her lose all of the credibility she’s worked so hard to build? 

“Kara-“ 

But what if she does go and they’re found out as fakes and it’s even worse for Lena? Kara shouldn’t be this hung out over a favour to a friend, this is a big deal and it shouldn’t be. it shouldn’t feel like too much.

“Kara, darling-“ 

And what even is she worried about really? It's not like she actually has to marry Lena or something, not that she wouldn't be totally ok with marrying Lena. Lena would probably make a very nice wife and-

“KARA. Sweetheart. You’re floating.”

Oh. oh no. Her head hits the ceiling before she can help it and she comes crashing down, thankfully not quite gaining enough momentum to do any more damage than breaking the armchair she was above. Kara stays in the wreckage for a moment, glasses askew. Getting up slowly inspecting that she hasn’t done any permanent damage to the floors. Lena is staring at her and she can feel it, she looks up at her to find Lena looking on the scene with a mixture of shock and concern. 

The armchair won’t be salvaged but her plate of food remains unscathed.  She's extra gentle in picking it up off the coffee table and goes to Lena's side gingerly sitting down next to her. Neither of them seem to so much as breathe for a long moment. Lena doesn’t look away from what’s left of the armchair. “I- uh. I’m not gonna be able to talk myself out of that one am I?” The smile she gives is sheepish and she knows it, Lena isn’t looking at her and Kara's really not sure if she’s going to burst out laughing or crying. 

“You could tell me you’re practicing for an amateur magic show.”  She says it in a way that is so deadpan, that Kara needs a moment to process exactly what she's implying. But thinking of the previous string of excuses and cover ups she's given to the brunette over the years. Lena's version really isn't that far fetched. The tension in her shoulders releases a little. There's a smile at the edges of Lena's wine glass as she takes a sip.

“What makes you think I would be an amateur?” Kara pitches her voice high and places her hand over her heart in mock offence, falling back onto the cushions. Happy to be laughing about it. Lena takes a long drag from her wine glass. 

“Not gonna lie, you’d probably look fantastic in the top hat and gloves,” Lena eyes sparkle as she speaks, a cheeky little hint of a smirk on her face from behind her glass, “especially if you combined it with the Supergirl cape.”

Something in the back of Kara's head insists she save that information for a later date, she laughs as Lena laughs. It’s not a yes or no debate at this point, something has clicked into place now, Lena's posture loosens visibly. The secret that was definitely never really a secret is out. They eat for a while, finally in companionable silence and sitting shoulder to shoulder. 

“I want to help.” 

“I know.” Lena sighs as she says it, getting up empty wine glass in hand. “I just don’t want to push you into something you don’t want to do.” 

“You wouldn’t be!” Kara stands waving her hands a little more than she probably needs to and swaying a little on her feet, “You know I’d do anything for you. If you need this then- then I’m here to help.” She's got her hands on her hips, a pose usually reserved for Supergirl, Lena eyes her briefly before seeming to refocus on the bottle in her hands.

“I feel like this is a little more than borrowing a sweater Kara,” giving a meaningful tug of the one she’s wearing, “this is.. different.” 

Different. Yeah. 

“I mean, that’s what friends are for, right?” She smiles despite the way it burns in her mouth as she says it. Lena’s expensive wine spills onto the kitchen floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll see how this schedule pans out, but I'm going to try and update this every week at the same time (give or take an hour or so). This one was a little shorter due to what I wanted to cover, the next one looks like it'll be back to being a little longer though. Not edited by anyone but me so please excuse any errors


	3. Practiced Feelings

The couch in Lena’s office has more often than not been a place of milestones within Kara and Lena’s relationship thus far. The white leather imbued with hours long conversation and emotional breakthroughs between the two of them. So now as they sit pouring over an A2 spreadsheet detailing the guests of gala, Kara feels a charge in the air. 

In typical Lena fashion, she’s created a full game plan for the gala night. Ever the strategist. She’s overlaid a floor plan of the ballroom with a list of guests, highlighter smeared across it in intervals. There’s some sort of colour code applied as well but Kara is already too overwhelmed by everything else, she just nods and watches as the brunette rattles off all the details. Explaining the guest list for the night along with everything that makes them tick, attempting to catch her up on all the minutiae of her board and associates. Wanting to prepare her as much as possible before she has to face off with them in any way. Something about not wanting to throw her to the vultures without any escape plans in place. 

Kara’s never been much of a planner, feeling far more secure in doing things in the moment. Alex describes her Supergirl approach as ‘punch first, ask later,’ J’onn prefers to just call her ‘reckless.’ 

They’ve ordered Big Belly Burger and the fast food spills out over the planning, Lena's waving a french fry as she talks. Kara hides behind her milkshake, and stays quiet. All of this planning is great but mapping out their trajectory isn’t going to do much if they can’t act like a couple.

“Should we like, practice or something?” Kara’s voice has a squeak to it. Lena stiffens, fry paused mid air, mouth open.

“What?” 

“I mean we’ve got to like, be couple-y at the gala right?” Kara stirs at her milkshake with her straw, adjusting her glasses. “Did you- uh- did you want to practice like couple… stuff?” She opens her arms a little, turning towards Lena more, hoping she looks far more confident than she feels. Lena looks at her for a moment, eyebrow arched and food discarded. The eye contact makes her skin burn with a pleasant thrum of heat vibrating all the way through her. The brunette hums her affirmation and folds away her planning paper, they move closer until Kara can reach her arm around Lena's shoulders. She pats at Lena's arm, spine straight, feeling like a pre-teen at a movie theatre. They’ve held each other like this hundreds of times. Why is this so different? 

“Stop thinking so much,” Lena folds herself further into Kara’s side, “just hold me.” Lena’s hand comes to rest on her chest, applying the smallest amount of pressure to the space above her sternum. They breathe together and everything eases for just a moment.

Lena moves her head to rest on her shoulder, cuddling in further. The smell of her shampoo flooding Kara’s senses, surprisingly floral. With Lena's hand so close to her heart, Kara refocusses her attention on steadying the thundering of her chest. It’s incredibly unsuccessful, only really succeeding in racing faster. The singular consolation is that Lena clearly isn’t fairing much better, her heart rocketing away with her own. There’s something warm creeping through Kara again, heating her from the inside out. Swirling around her and trapping her in the moment. 

They stay like that for a long while, both of their heartbeats flying through their chests. Kara’s not really sure what to do with her second hand, she sits it in her lap smoothing out her pants, palms uncomfortably sweaty. Lena’s eyes seem to follow the movement, the hand she’s rested to her chest twitches and Lena inhales sharply. 

“Right. Well that should be fine.” Lena lifts herself from their position, grabbing at her plans unfolding the paper once more. She underestimates the size of her plan and her proximity to Kara, almost hitting her in the face in her haste to lay the paper out once more. Kara hears tearing and watches as Lena lays the now two pieces of her plan across the half eaten takeout. Mustard soaking into it’s corners and staining her colour coordination. 

Nia knocks on her office door in the afternoon with the excuse of needing help with hashing out an upcoming article premise. She squeezes her way through the door offering a Noonan’s coffee, a notebook to her chest. Kara manoeuvres herself onto her desk offering Nia the one chair. The space not really designed to accommodate guests, most of her work happening in the field. 

The young girls movements are wooden as she goes to sit, her posture remaining ramrod straight the whole time, oozing nervous energy. Kara gets comfortable atop her desk, crossing her legs and sipping at her latte. Nia has a thousand yard stare to her, not breaking her eye contact with the base of her desk. Kara clears her throat.

“I-uh, I have an article idea that I wanted to-“ Nia stops shaking herself out whatever cloud she was absorbed in, “to speak with you about.” Nia smiles, presenting her a blank notepad page. Realising her mistake and thinking better of it she goes back to hiding the empty notepad in her lap. “It’s about fashion trends within the queer community.” She finishes quickly and Kara nods waiting for elaboration, research, details about… anything. But Nia just fidgets, shuffling her feet and rolling the office chair back and forth. 

“That’s an interesting premise… Do you have any idea of the way you want to frame the topic? Is it more of an observer’s overview or are you considering conducting inter-“ 

“I had a dream.” Nia cuts her off, notepad discarded and hands in the air in front of her. 

“Oh.” Kara sits further to attention, a future dream can be serious. She prepares herself to hear of premonitions of the end of the world, of her next big villain. The superhero within her puffs out their chest and readies for combat. “What’d you see?” 

“Well-“ her voice high, cracking with the word, “-you know, just normal stuff nothing really of like incredible note, you know?” Nia fidgets not really looking at her in the eye. She clears her throat again, “Lena uh-hey! you’re going to like a big business thing with her right?” 

There’s that heavy feeling in her stomach again, she hadn’t discussed the gala or the arrangement with Nia yet. If nia somehow knows about it then something must happen. Kara sits and absorbs herself into catastrophizing over all the terrible things that could happen to Lena in that big ballroom. A lot of those board members would probably give a whole lot for a chance to get at lena, to harm a Luthor. To strike them down. “What happens to lena?” 

“Nothing bad! I’m not- shit. It’s just I saw you and Lena together and I just wanted to let you know that I know.” Nia is animated in her gesturing and quick to interject, but some of the hand movements she uses to go with her wording concerns Kara just a little bit. The weight in her stomach stays with a renewed type of dread. 

With no way to know what Nia actually is referring to she determines to keep their plans vague with the younger reporter. 

“Yeah, Lena and I are going to the gala together. I’m her date for the night but like it’s not anything serious.” There, she plays it off. If they’re acting like a couple at the gala then it’ll all be part of the act. Nia gives her a look but says nothing. Kara slides off the desk, needing to stand. “Thanks for letting me know, that you know- uh. Is there anything else you need?” 

“No. I guess I should probably actually go work on this article,” Nia picks up her still blank notepad and meets her at the door, “have a good time at the gala though, it certainly looks to me like you’re going to have quite a bit of fun.” She wiggles her eyebrows and leaves Kara standing in the doorway of her office unsure how exactly she’s supposed to process the implications of that. 

She doesn’t have very long to dwell on it though because there are sirens in the distance, and any hope of her attending her afternoon meeting is dashed, she’s sure Cat will understand and if not James will cover for her. She makes her way to the elevator changing into her suit when the doors close and flying out from the roof. 

An apartment complex downtown is burning and the firefighters are wrestling with the flames too much to get the civilians out in time before the building begins to collapse in on itself. She super-speeds in, listens closely for signs of life and uses freeze breath to get everyone in and out safely. Careful to disrupt the structure of the building as little as possible, she helps to put out the fire from places of leverage that the firefighters can’t achieve safely. And when everything settles down she hangs around to take statements and check everyone over with the paramedics. 

She launches herself into the sky with more of a flourish than is probably necessary, finally able to get some real fresh air. High above the city. 

Flying feels like far more of a release than it has in a very long time, Kara increases her speed from her usual soaring, really trying to feel the wind in her bones. Flight was an ability that was given to her by the yellow sun of this earth but when she flies like this, free and open it reminds her most of Krypton. The great spires of her home planet towered to heights far greater than any skyscraper of earth. The wind in her hair reminding her of the breezes she used to experience standing with her mother overlooking the skyline of her home. The red sun casting a warm hue over everything, washing the landscape in a glow she’s never been able to replicate with her paints. 

But the view as the yellow sun sets over the city she’s come to know as home from her vantage point is absolutely breathtaking, the way the light reflects off the windows of the buildings and out to the water. Kara is reminded that this world has beauty too. In a moment of impulse she pulls her phone out of the secret pocket in her boot and snaps a picture of her view. She sends it to Lena without a caption and floats herself back to ground level. 

There’s a group of young girls close to where she lands, clearly a little starstruck at the sight of her, smartphones poised and videoing the superhero as she passes, she waves and smiles but doesn’t stop for any further interaction. She approaches the street vendor on the corner, hungry after a long afternoon of expending her powers. Ordering herself four hotdogs and making small talk with the man at the cart as he assembles her food. 

The group of girls approach her as she waits, nervously asking the superhero for a selfie. She smiles for the camera a total of seven times and records a video message for a girl named Claudia. Before bundling up her food into her arms and saying goodbye to the group. 

She leaps to the rooftops and finds a ledge with a nice view to eat. Her phone buzzes in her boot and she takes it out, a message from Lena waiting for her.

‘Don’t text and fly.’ Lena types, and Kara laughs, kicking her feet out and wiping mustard from her chin. ‘It’s beautiful’ comes through several moments later, unsure how to respond further; she agonises over the colour of the heart she sends back, settling on one red and one blue. 

She turns her comms back on after eating, Winn and Brainy not really paying attention to any sort of superhero related emergencies, instead they seem to be using the channel as a platform for their debate, discussing the logistics of the political climate within the Star Wars universe. Kara doesn’t intervene, instead letting the chatter create white noise for the continuation of her super shift. 

She doesn’t have to wait long, sirens blaring uptown a short while later, and sending her zipping off to a new emergency. 

The city is dark by the time her rounds come to an end, but despite the late hour Lena’s office shines like a beacon over the city. She lands on her balcony as quietly as possible, not knocking just yet. Allowing herself a moment to watch Lena through the glass. She’s reclined on her couch pouring over papers, hair down and feet tucked up under herself. Kara leans on the railing and waits.

“You know, some people might view staring as rude.” Lena speaks from her perch on the couch. She gets up, tossing her papers to the table, discarded heels left on the floor. She meets her on the balcony arms crossed over her chest. 

“Just checking in on a civilian, she’s apparently trying to achieve the world record for overtime.” Kara steps forward, hand on her hips and cape blowing in the wind. Her voice is gentle and her smile is soft. Lena rolls her eyes and goes to stand with her.

“What can I say? Must be my Luthor competitive streak...” Lena replies, her voice is taunting but her tone trails off quickly. She doesn't look her in the eye, instead she openly stares at the emblem on her chest. Kara steps forward but Lena's gaze remains fixed. She tries to duck down to meet her eye but it’s no use. They stay like that for a long while, not really sure how to proceed with this. Lena’s seen Supergirl plenty of times, but this is the first time she’s interacting as Kara in the suit. She’s willing to give her as long as she needs to get used to it. 

Lena’s hand raises slowly, open but cautious, they’re standing close enough together that when she reaches out, her fingertips graze the raised surface of the symbol on her chest. Tracing the graphic, hand trembling lightly. Kara listens to her heartbeat racing and slowly places her hand over Lena's, steadying her. They’re standing so close together that when Lena finally raises her eyes to look at her, Kara can see the slight differences in her eye colours, one more green than the other. In this light her raven hair takes on a red hue that makes something in kara’s stomach pull. Without her killer heels the CEO seems so much smaller than her, even with the aid of her supergirl boots she’d have a couple inches on her. All her observations come with an incredible rush of affection, and Kara actively fights against the instinct to take a step back from it.

The balcony feels too open suddenly, the city buzzing through its nighttime routines all around them. The wind blowing both of their hair in a light breeze. Kara itches to sweep her into her arms, protect her from the world around them. To bundle her up in her arms and take off, to fly her away from scrutiny, reputations and last names. But she doesn’t. Instead she lets go of Lena's hand and steps back from her. The clarity she hoped to gain with distance doesn’t come, instead she just feels her daydreams continue to race on from further away.

“So,” Kara scuffs her boot against the concrete of the balcony and goes to stand at the railing, looking out of the city. “What’s the important project keeping the lights on so late?” Far more conversational, much safer terrain to tread. 

“Oh, just plotting the downfall of all Kryptonians,” she shrugs leaning against the railing and gesturing vaguely, “nothing out of the ordinary.” Kara hums. 

“Certainly sounds like you.” She smiles, tilting herself towards Lena again, rocking back on her heels. They lean against the railing together, looking out over the city.

“I should probably finish up my paperwork and head home soon.” Lena states.

“Did you want a lift home?” Kara inquires, “I could wait around, fly you home. Keep your driver from making a late night trip.” 

“Careful, if people were to see Supergirl here so late at night they might begin to make assumptions.” Lena teases bumping Kara's hip with her own from beside her. The action brings with it a vivid flashback to the conversation she had with Nia this morning and has Kara burning from her cheeks all the way down her neck at the possible implications. Lena smiles but doesn’t mention it further. 

She bids Lena goodnight shortly after that, the brunette telling her to get some sleep, that she can make her own way home. They hug before they part and Kara leaps out into the night buzzing and energised in a way that contradicts the hour. 

She does another loop of the city, her comms crackling and her heart racing. She circles her home until the buzzing in her head gets quieter. Her apartment doesn't have a balcony so she has to slow down significantly to be able to go through her living room window without ripping it out of it's framing, the sudden change of momentum jarring as she lands. The kitchen calls to her but the fridge is empty and it's too early in the morning to try ordering anything. She determines to find something special for herself tomorrow and heads to change out of the supersuit. 

The suit has ash and dust all through it, but showering gives her time to think everything over, the high energy of her night washing out and down the drain. She doesn’t dwell on it, or at least, she tells herself she doesn’t dwell on it. But as she goes to lie in bed for the night her head spins with the intensity of it all. She turns the lights out, and buries herself under the covers, the fabric and blankets doing little to protect her from the onslaught of emotions. 

Something about the way Lena looked tonight was different, something about the way everything was tonight was different. There’s familiarity to the way her stomach flutters. A terrible, agonising recognition is dawning on her slowly. She turns the light back on, throwing the covers back off. Anything to make this all feel less overwhelming. She squeezes her eyes shut bringing her pillow to rest on her face and screaming into the cushioning. Anything to keep her from hoping. That’s not fair to Lena, to put so much stake in her feelings. Reciprocation is simply too much to ask. 

And yet she finds herself sitting up in her bed in the early hours of the morning, listening out for the heartbeat of a girl she probably doesn’t have a chance with, filled with the most dangerous feeling of all. 

Hope. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the halfway point, we're finally at a place where feelings are being recognised as feelings. 
> 
> tumblr: justamessatthispoint


	4. Preparations

Whoever is knocking on her door at this time of morning has a lot of nerve. The rapping is as insistent as it is disorientating. Her lack of sleep manifesting itself through the ache behind her eyes. The sound rings in Kara’s sensitive ears as she stumbles from her bed to her door, hoping that it's her sister with coffee and a donut or a dozen donuts. X-ray vision blocked as she rubs at her eyes.

The man she opens her door to is someone she vaguely recognises, an older man in a pressed suit. He hands her a business card and a dry cleaners bag glancing briefly down to her duck pajama shorts but thankfully doesn’t mention them. He bids her a good day with a tight lipped smile and Kara watches as he walks back down the hallway of her complex, belatedly recognising him as Lena’s driver. She's never known him to be particularly talkative, but she hopes he doesn't mention the shorts to the brunette.

As soon as the door clicks shut, she's fiddling with the zipper of the dress bag, eager hands fumbling with the ting piece of metal. The angle isn't exactly optimal and the zipper gets stuck quickly, but the little window gives her a glimpse of shined navy blue.

She clutches the bag close to her chest and super-speeds it to her bedroom, laying out the precious cargo on the bed and opening it properly. Desperate to see the outfit that Lena's chosen for her. 

With all the excitement Kara has to make a conscious effort to be gentle at every step. The smooth material feeling fragile in her hands, she's careful not to fumble with the buttons as she slips it all on. Not wanting to make a mess of such beautiful craftsmanship.

The ensemble fits with an eerie ease considering that she never met with the tailor. The suit made to measurements she'd had taken during her days as an assistant to Cat Grant. Accompanying the queen of all media to several important events, mostly to spend the evening out scurrying beneath her boss. Ready to take notes for any important press moment Ms.Grant may have landed at the drop of a hat.

The blazer and pants have a sheen to them but are otherwise plain, the waistcoat underneath a darker blue with subtle floral embroidering, a black tie loose under her collar. Hopefully Lena will know how to tie it. Her only experience with the accessory being her limited memories of her adopted father. He'd always complained about never being able to get it even.

Her reflection is startling. Kara takes a moment to fully absorb the image of herself, smoothing her hands over the material and squaring her shoulders. The pants are a little bit tight but looking at them now she thinks that might be by design, the waistcoat fitted and flattering, blazer making her shoulders look broad and strong. She’s looked attractive before, she’s looked pretty before but this is something new. She looks... Handsome, combing her fingers through her slept in hair, brushing it to one side and continuing to stare. She straightens the jacket and shakes out the sleeves, turning in place and looking back at herself. 

Somewhere in her bedsheets is her phone, rustling at the duvet in her attempts to find it. It clatters to the rug with a thud that sounds only mildly concerning and she swipes for the camera as she grabs for it. Posing feels unnatural, shifting her weight from one hip to the other, unsure of what to do with her other hand. Running her fingers repeatedly through her bedhead until it's at least presentable. She snaps a couple of photos, picking the one that shows off her arms and her waist the most, and then sends it to Lena. 

Three dots of Lena’s typing appear immediately but disappear just as fast, they appear again a couple of seconds later before disappearing again. Kara gives up on receiving a speedy response.

Promptly throwing her phone across the bed before she can second guess herself about the choice. Kara changes out of the outfit and pretends that she isn’t thinking about it as she starts making herself breakfast. 

She's halfway through cooking herself eggs when her phone buzzes, Kara practically launching herself into her bedroom. The lack of property damage she causes in her haste a welcome change. Picking up her phone to a notification that reads _1 new message from Lena._

‘Kara.’ Lena writes, ‘I was in a meeting.’ The text technically carries no tone but Kara can feel the admonishment the message is supposed to convey, though she is not entirely sure why Lena, her friend, would react negatively to just a little photo. 

She types out multiple responses but settles on, ‘I’m sorry, did I interrupt anything important?’ 

‘No.’ Lena responds quickly, typing out a second message but taking a long pause in between, Kara holds her breath. ‘But you were very distracting.’ Interesting. 

For a long moment Kara isn't sure how to respond, her head hitting the ceiling with a dull thud that she barely registers. The buzzing that's taken over her body has become far too distracting for her to take any notice. Instead she curls into herself, clutching her phone and allowing herself to float in the feeling. Cheeks aching with how hard she's smiling. 

The eggs burn on the stove.

The next time her phone goes off is halfway through her Supergirl rounds in the early afternoon. It’s a slow day with the commencement of the weekend, so she takes a chance in stopping mid flight to check. She should have known she was in trouble when her phone read _2 new messages from Lena_. 

Several things happen simultaneously. Her phone unlocks to reveal a photo of Lena, her vision blurs at the sheer amount of skin on display, and she drops her phone from 10,000 feet above the city. 

The following moments are not something she’s entirely proud of, diving for her phone and fumbling with it mid air with numb fingers. She drops out of the sky rapidly, hoping she doesn’t crash into anything on her way down. She manages to get a hold of it and slow down enough to not cause any property damage. But that doesn’t stop both Brainy and Alex asking what happened over comms, she brushes it off, waving at the concerned onlookers. She doesn’t unlock her phone again for the rest of the afternoon. 

Well played Lena. 

Mortified and unwilling to answer any questions she heads into the DEO at the end of her shift. Heading towards the briefing table on autopilot, not looking up from her view of her boots. She doesn’t see the herd her friends have formed until it’s too late to escape. 

James hadn’t been on hero duty today, his outfit reflecting his casual afternoon. No suit of armour or shield in sight. Instead, he holds one of his cameras, showing something off to the gleeful group on the tiny screen. Despite the terrible feeling pooling in her stomach, she doesn't run from the situation whilst she has the chance. Having made too much eye contact to turn back now, instead she prepares herself for the worst and continues forward.

“Please tell me that isn’t what I think it is.” She groans, maintaining distance from the herd, coming to stand at the opposing end of the briefing table. Placing both hands down on the smooth surface, bracing herself. Alex gives her a look, red faced and teary-eyed, hand coming up to cover an obvious grin.

“That depends heavily on what you think it is,” James grins at her handing the camera to Winn, who holds the device like it's made of gold. Impish smile creeping across his face. He places the camera in the limited empty desk space he has and begins rooting through the mass of cables within his filing cabinet. “There’s a possibility that I was on super photo duty today.” 

There’s a shout of glee to her left, Winn springing up to sidle in beside her, grinning like a cat. The mass of screens ahead of her change suddenly transforming from their usual surveillance statistics to a blinding blank white, everyone groans shielding their eyes. “Sorry, sorry. One moment.” Winn launches himself behind his computer, knocking several knickknacks off his desk with the movement, “Ok, got it.” 

The screen changes again, this time to show what is possibly the worst photo of herself Kara has ever seen. She’s contorted and blurred from falling out of the sky, but even with the blur of movement she can clearly see the crazed, panicked look on her face, tongue out and fumbling to catch her phone. Winn, ever helpful, emphasises the expression by zooming in on it further. Hair in her face, wide-eyed and open-mouthed the photo mocks her as the group around her begin to howl at her misfortune. Kara tosses a look she hopes conveys her dismay towards James, who has the audacity to mouth a ‘sorry’ her way before joining their friends in a renewed fit of giggles. 

Kara drops her face into her hands, feeling her skin burn beneath her fingertips. Brainy makes an attempt at comforting her. Stiffly patting at the space between her shoulders, babbling to her about imagining tiny boxes.

“Winn, please send-”

“-Don’t you dare.” Kara comes to attention, speeding to intercept the exchange and pointing to Nia who already has her phone poised to receive, she glowers as she steps into the girls space. “This photo does not leave this room. Rao help me, I will melt your phone out of your hands.” She crosses her arms over her chest and does her best attempt at an intimidating face. It doesn’t feel like the threat lands as well as it usually would with her stupid face blown up to the size of a billboard being loud and proud behind her. 

Shoulders high and head low, she stalks to the stairs at the other end of the room, sitting on the steps in a huff and glaring at the group still milling around the screen laughing at her expense. James breaks away from them and comes to sit down next to her, all sheepish smiles and kind eyes. The sweet expression not making him any less of a traitor. Kara crosses her arms over herself.

“If it helps I also got some very flattering heroic shots whilst you were helping those construction workers earlier. Really shows off the muscles and everything.” He smiles, flexing his own muscles in example, reaching to pat at her bicep. She accepts the flattery with an easy laugh.

“It might.” She raises her fist and James taps his knuckles to hers, “you do have to make me one promise though.” 

“Name it.” James crowds in further to her, voice laced in conspiracy. 

“Under no circumstances can Lena ever know about that photo.” 

James contemplates this for a moment, posing with an eyebrow arched and fingers under his chin. He hums in a thoughtful way.

"No promises." He sing-songs breaking from his over acting to laugh. Kara shoves at him hard enough to dislodge him from his seat on the stairs. Rolling down the bottom two steps and coming to a flopping stop at the base of the stairs. He sprawls laughing freely with Kara alongside him.

Kara swears that she’s not a creep, she’s simply curious and observant when it comes to her friends. And if it so happens that she is currently curiously observing a certain photograph that a certain friend had sent her earlier that day. Then that would not be terrible or creepy. She had sent that picture to Kara specifically so that she could look at it, so it can’t be seen as a bad thing if she’s only doing what Lena had intended her to do with the image. 

In an unrelated turn of events, Kara has been staring at the photo of Lena in her proposed gala dress for what she can only estimate as an eternity. In actuality, she’s been glued to her phone screen for about 45 minutes. She hasn’t even changed from her supergirl suit since arriving home, so hell bent as she was squirrelling away from everyone, phone clutched tight to her chest. But now hunched over her phone in the dim light of her living room. She has to contemplate the morality of such an action. Sure, Lena had given her this photo in a spur of what Kara can only translate as borderline flirtatious retaliation. But where is the line drawn between appreciating a picture and objectifying someone? What right does she have to enable herself in feeling this way? How would Lena react if she could somehow see her right now?

This doesn’t feel entirely healthy, it can’t be good to make her own heart hurt this much. Torturing herself by allowing even the smallest most innocent amount of fantasy. But Rao, Lena just looks so good, and Kara is just a simple woman. 

The amount of skin on show by itself is a criminal offence. The kind that makes Kara both hope for and dread the possibility that Lena may actually wear that in an environment in which Kara would also be present. A picture on a phone is making her melt far enough, but to be in the presence of such an enchanting ensemble might actually kill her. 

There’s a near constant churn to her stomach now, fluttering along steadily to the ever-moving train of thought dedicated solely to Lena. Becoming more obnoxious and harder to ignore with every passing second. There’s no shutting it down at this point, the further she contemplates the depth of her feelings, the further she dives down into the abyss of it all. 

A new message jolts to pull her focus from the photo long enough to drag her back to reality. Lena's driver will be picking her up from outside her apartment complex at 5pm sharp tomorrow evening. The finality of a time and place settles into forming a weight to her shoulders and an itch to the base of her neck. Lungs constricting in a short gasping squeeze.

Kara does not feel in any way prepared for this. Lena’s meticulous planning covered plenty but despite Lena's insistence on the contrary there’s just no way that it could possibly cover everything. The tightrope of this situation is getting more overtly precarious the more they step out into the open of it. If they aren't careful they're liable to slip and fall straight through the safety net. Kara runs her hands over her face, dragging her fingers and groaning out loud to her empty apartment.

Standing is difficult with her cape still attached, the fabric getting caught between her and the couch, pulling at her shoulders. She unlatches it, bundling the material into her arms and inspecting it for marks and blemishes before throwing it towards her bedroom and her laundry basket. She picks up the outfit for gala, placing all the pieces of it back into the dry cleaning bag, hanging it up safe for tomorrow in her closet.

The zipper on the back of her supersuit is difficult to undo by herself. Her shoulders popping at the odd angle. Sighing and flexing as it releases, pulling her arms from the stiff material. She sits at the edge of her bed to toe off her boots, careful not to disturb the pockets sewn into the insides as she goes to pull them off.

Her phone rings before she can fully get her second boot off. Hopping over to where her screen lights up the room. Lena's name brands her screen and she picks up the phone, boot forgotten.

“Lena.” 

“Hi.” Lena responds quietly, sounding surprised. As if she didn’t expect for Kara to answer her phone. The shake to her voice is concerning, Kara instinctively stretching her hearing beyond the phone line, searching for the brunette and finding her heartbeat uptown in her apartment. There’s a rapid hammering to it that sets off her own chest to a matching tempo. 

She listens out for danger but finds none. And instead fills that space of her conscious mind with imagining what Lena must look like right now. Curled up and lounging on her couch in her penthouse, the city lights as a backdrop behind her. She imagines Lena in a soft sweater, hair down and relaxed in the comfort of her own home. She imagines herself with her, joining her and holding her until they can both find peace in each other. 

Reality comes back to her in a rush as she relaxes her posture and realises that she’s still wearing half a boot with her supersuit hanging around her waist. Maybe she should’ve finished changing before answering her phone. She feels the urge to cover her body with her spare hand despite being alone. 

It takes a minute for her to realise that Lena isn't speaking, that she hasn't said anything beyond a greeting since she’s picked up the phone. 

“Hi.” she greets again down the phone, feeling out of breath, nerves bubbling through her system and up her throat as she speaks. Shifting her weight and fiddling with the hanging material of her suit. 

“I just wanted to- uh- I wanted to hear your voice before… before everything.” Lena's voice is quiet, Kara can hear the way the brunette is shuffling in her seat even without the aid of her enhanced hearing. Lena heartbeat seems to slow a little at the admission. 

“Oh.” She takes a moment to let that sink in, leaning down to pull her boot the rest of the way off her foot. Hopping in place awkwardly. “Are you alright?” 

“What we’re doing is ok right?” Lena rushes out, voice hushed and strained, “I need you to tell me that this is ok.” There’s a desperation to Lena's voice that breaks her heart a little bit. 

“It’s ok.” Kara uses her best attempt at a comforting voice, “we’re going to be fine.” She’s not sure she entirely believes it but it’s what Lena needs to hear. The heartbeat she’s tuned in to continues to de escalate. 

“Promise?” Lena sounds so small, Kara does everything to stop herself from leaping out the window and going to her. The feeling so desperate and rawly embedded into her instincts that it shocks her. 

“I promise.” Kara affirms, “regardless of what happens I’ll be with you and we’ll be ok.” 

There’s silence for a time, Lena seeming to let that statement sink in for a while, either that or she’s waiting for Kara to somehow take it back. But that’s not going to happen, Kara is a firm believer in ‘no takesies backsies.’ She fiddles at the hanging sleeve of her supersuit, trying to make herself believe in her own promises. By this time tomorrow night it will all be over, they only have to get through one evening. Just one evening. 

The call ends with a quiet goodnight shared between them and a distinct reluctance to be the one to hang up on the other. Kara continues to listen out for Lena's heartbeat, distinct in it’s pattern, long after the phone call has ended. The heartbeat slowing gradually as the brunette falls asleep.

Her phone buzzes again with a notification, _1 new message from Lena._

‘Goodnight’ 

A smile spreads across Kara’s face unbidden, “goodnight Lena.” she says out loud to her empty apartment. Hoping the brunette might feel her response somehow. She texts two hearts back, One red and one blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a bit of break last week but the weekly updates should resume for the final leg of this fic. Next one will be the gala. See you next week.
> 
> My tumblr is justamessatthispoint


	5. The Gala

"Just sit still already." Alex groans, fussing and pulling at Kara's hair, trying in vain to get her braided updo to sit properly. Kara disregards her sister's requests and alternates expelling her excess energy through squirming and vibrating. The little arrows on her watch never moving quite fast enough for her liking. The majority of her focus casted downwards to the front of her building, listening out for the rumble of Lena's town car.

“Kara, I can’t finish your hair if you keep moving.” Alex warns, slapping her shoulder and trying in vain to push the kryptonian back down into the chair.

She's halfway through putting on a shoe when the car does come to a stop outside her building. Kara rushes through the lacing to be able to meet them in time, so caught up in her nerves that she forgets her ability to super-speed. She grabs her tie from the coffee table and rushes for the door, Alex intercepting her before she can make it out to the hallway.

“Don’t be an idiot ok?” Alex keeps as tight a grip as she can on Kara's wrist. 

“What?” 

“This is the most blatant chance you’ve ever had with Lena. Don’t be an idiot and blow it.” The dead seriousness in Alex’s voice is enough to give Kara pause. Bewildered and confused before her night has even begun. The affirmation she gives her sister is strangled at best. Alex pats at her shoulder as if what she said was reassuring and shoos her down the hallway, letting herself back into Kara’s apartment and closing the door behind her. 

Of all the elevators she has to deal with the two in Kara’s building are probably her least favourite. One is always either out of order or on the brink of breaking down. Every person entering the metal boxes praying to whatever they might believe in that it won’t decide to take its last trip with them as a passenger. The mirrors are dirty and the announcement voice grates through each word, the buttons only lighting up some of the time. Kara braces herself against the wall and waits while the door squeals itself to a close. 

Stoic and silent Lena's driver awaits her at the entrance of the building, bowing his head in greeting as she passes him. She pauses outside the open car door to straighten her suit one last time, tugging at her collar. 

Lena's is seated and waiting for her as she climbs into the car. Ravishing in a black floor length gown, it's a different dress than the one in the picture but Kara hardly has time to be disappointed, not when Lena looks so beautiful. She allows herself a moment to stare at the open expanses of skin before she meets her eyes.

“Ready?” The brunette questions, eyebrow raised, red lips smirking. Her staring clearly noticed. 

"Ready." Kara affirms nodding, confidence warming her inside out. She winks as an extra flair, enjoying the way it reddens Lena's cheeks. She takes Lena's hand in her own, neither of them commenting as she laces their fingers together.

The confidence doesn’t last. Pulling up to the venue puts the chill back onto the base of her spine, Lena tugs at the hand she’s still holding, using the connection to drag Kara into turning to face her. Kara focusses on steadying her breathing.

The brunette reaches out to her with her free hand, taking the tie she’d forgotten about and laying it gently under Kara’s collar, moving in close as she goes through the motion of tying it for her. Kara stares but Lena doesn’t look at her, focused on the task at her throat. It’s as she tightens the knot that she looks up at her, the eye contact heating her down to her toes. Gasping when a hand brushes at her neck as she straightens her collar, untangling their joined hands to tuck the ends of her tie into her waistcoat. Hands lingering at her sternum, circling the button that sits above it.

Kara is the first to break eye contact, cheeks heating and sliding further down the seat, further from Lena.

Jess meets them at the door, clipboard in hand and headset on, full business mode as she checks in the guests for the night. She greets her warmly, breezing past her with a friendly smile and Lena’s arm looped through her own. They enter through the ornate oak doors together.

The ballroom is expansive and decadent, stone columns towering over them to form arches in the ceiling, laced with vines that twinkle with lights. Floor to ceiling windows take up the left side boasting a balcony over gardens and opening out into the clear night sky. Such a beautiful room for the performance of her lifetime. To act in love with the woman she has feelings for, without revealing that she actually has feelings for her at all. An itch burns at the base of her skull as she thinks of the monumental task she’s set for herself, it’s going to be a very long night.

There's so many more people here than she could've anticipated, the crowd dense in the expansive room. She can only hope that they have arrived fashionably late, that the mass of people she stares out at make up the majority of the people in attendance tonight. Not sure how she'll handle navigating a crowd any larger, she finds herself clinging harder to Lena.

The first person to approach them directly is Susan Green, making a beeline for them before they’re entirely through the doorway. She thrusts her hand in Kara’s direction as soon as she is close enough, shaking her hand with the vigour of a woman trying to make a point. The smile on her face is a little disturbing, eyes too wide and smile too broad. Lena had warned her that Susan was at risk of being overly enthused upon meeting her. Eager to please and gunning for a larger stake in the company. They take their leave from that conversation as quickly as it is polite. 

She meets two types of people in their tour around the ballroom, the first much like Susan over the top with a firm handshake, and the second a mixture of rolling eyes, bored tones and limp attempts at contact. Lena seems to give the same cool smile to both, a practiced grace to her posture and prose. Sticking close to Lena turns out to be harder than she thought it would be, Kara near scrambling to keep pace and maintain a romantic level of proximity. Lena seems to be in a constant state of movement, never pausing, never faltering. Kara feels herself being swept away by her momentum, mesmerised by every motion of her. Too caught up in catching every word to maintain conversation with anyone else.

It’s terrifying. Introducing herself as Lena’s fiancé. The way Lena can make her eyes light up like that whenever she says it is a real neat trick. Kara never knew Lena could be such a good actor, rather a practiced professional. Their PDA isn't excessive, watered down to small touches and lingering hands. And whilst Kara is thankful for the ease of it, it's enough to make an ache settle into her chest. Enough to set her alight with feeling and double check that her feet are definitely touching the ground as they walk. 

They separate over a chiming on the loudspeaker, Lena taking her cue to approach the stage. Kara sticks close regardless, remaining nearby as she gives the commencement speech. Eyes trained to the crowd of onlookers, lowering her glasses when she can get away with it. Scanning for anything nefarious, she's been present at one too many assassination attempts to not be cautious. 

The silent auctions open smoothly, Lena descending from the stairs as Kara lets her guard down a little. Crowd dispersed to peruse the new attraction, relishing their newfound ability to flaunt their riches. Boastful and loud. 

Waiters are released to circuit around the room a short moment later, alcohol beginning to pour, glasses clinking. 

The new distractions take the heat off of them for a while, the release of pressure relaxing both their shoulders. They make the mistake of separating for a short time. 

Kara sees the waiter before Lena does, seeming to witness the events that unfold in slow motion. Not quite close enough to pull Lena out of the way before the boy begins to fall, taking his food laden tray down with him. And whilst the hors d'oeuvres miss lena by a hair. The boy, despite his best efforts to steady himself, isn't so lucky. 

He slams into Lena knocking them both off balance. Kara’s able to catch them both in time before either hit the ground, the boy blubbering his apologies, white as a ghost and eyes watering.

A second assessment of the situation will identify the culprit as David, a board member who’d stuck out his foot. Kara consoles the boy, reassuring him that it wasn’t his fault. All the while glaring over the top of his head to the man at fault, he visibly wilts from his cocky smiling under the heat of her gaze. 

Lena remains unscathed by the incident, assuring the young man that she’s fine and no, he’s not fired. Sending him back to the kitchens with his empty tray to clean up. 

The swarming that occurs next is alarming, women approaching from all sides under the guise of checking if poor miss Luthor is alright. Kara is quickly squeezed to the outskirts of the group. 

"Such a stupid boy, I'm sure he'll pay for that." A woman clutching at her pearls assures them. The sadistic little smile she wears unnerving Kara enough to set a chill to her spine. The vulture-like stance of some of the women that surround her setting off alarm bells somewhere at the back of her skull. She subtly tries to scan past the crowd, hoping that poor waiter has made it out alive.

The women stay circling them. Seemingly, for the sole purpose of putting down the waitstaff. Each one hovering by Lena, waiting for her to say something, anything negative regarding the situation. Lena doesn’t take the bait though, placing the blame on no one, brushing off the situation with a simple “accidents happen.” The women drop like flies at the realisation that sticking around won’t result in any further gossip, flittering away in a cloud of over-applied perfume and white wine.

"Kara is my dress straight?" Lena asks her when they're finally left to themselves, "I think that waiter might have pulled something... Could you help me readjust?" She tugs at the material lightly, staring down at herself and huffing. Seeming to sincerely be asking for assistance, but Kara is rendered unable to help her. She doesn't trust herself to look her in the eye, the constricting in her chest all consuming. She can't bring herself to put her hands on her, head to fogged with attraction. She squeezes her eyes shut in an attempt to clear it, batting the feeling back down inside her, pushing it as far as she can out of her mind. It does nothing but make her panic.

“Oh, I-I couldn’t I’ve got potsticker grease on my fingers,” Kara does a gesture close to jazz hands to prove her point, “I’ve got to get rid of it with some sort of grease removing... device.” She turns and uses a little superspeed to get away from the interaction as quickly as possible without raising suspicion in the crowd. She gets to the refuge of the catering table and runs her hands over her face. If she’s going to get through she’s going to have to pull it together. 

The burning of Lena's eyes on her tear a hole through her composure. Her beautiful suit is mercilessly restrictive, providing no relief to the sweat that pools under the fabric and accumulates at the base of her spine. She craves open air, wanting at least to be able to breathe before she sets about embarrassing herself again.

This is just too much. The pressure of it all building inside of her until she feels near bursting. Lena's concern for her radiates from the other side o the room, she doesn't dare look up to face it. The foolish hope her feelings clings to make her head spin. She begins an escape plan by the window in the corner, she is too deep, desperate to leave and maybe do a couple dozen laps around the city to really clear her head a little. It's not fair to Lena regardless of what she does. Staying means fooling herself more into thinking Lena cares in a way that she doesn't. Leaving sets Lena to the wolves, alone to defend herself and disappointed. She loses either way.

It’s the sight of Morgan Edge lurking in the corner and slowly stalking his way closer to Lena that snaps her out of her escape plans. Suddenly she can’t be close to Lena fast enough, she grabs two drinks from a passing waiter on her way over. She arrives at her side before Edge does. Watching with great satisfaction as his slimy little smirk slides from his face at the sight of her.

“Here’s that drink you asked me to get baby.” She announces adding extra velvet to her voice, Lena gives her an odd look, not clocking their company. But she accepts the drink with a hesitant nod and tight smile. 

Lena drains her glass as she clocks their approaching company. Kara swapping the empty glass for her own full one. Lena grabs at her wrist as she turns to discard the empty, giving her a look that roughly translates to, 'if you leave me here with him, you're dead to me.' Taking the death glare in stride, Kara moves further into Lena's side, sliding her arm around her gingerly and not daring to say anything. She lets her hand rest at Lena's waist and tries to remember to at least appear as if she's breathing normally. The brunette leans into her at the contact but doesn't look at her, gaze focussed on the man in the grey suit approaching the pair from their right.

“I see you’ve hired yourself a bodyguard for the night,” Edge sneers, turning his leering gaze towards Kara, “tell me, does she come with late night perks?”

If Lena is offended by Morgan implying she’s a prostitute she doesn’t show it, face a mask of stone. 

“Not all of us have to pay for our companions Morgan, not that a woman would ever let you afford the pleasure of her time.” She quips glint of a pleased smile in her eyes at how the comment furrows his brow and reddens his face. “This is my fiancé, Kara Danvers. I believe you’ve met once or twice.” 

“Yes, the journalist. I’m aware, no wonder Catco has been giving you such biased press.” He steps forward as if to shake Kara’s hand feigning boredom. She doesn’t move to meet him. “Tell me, do you really think you’re fooling anyone with this,” he pauses to retract his hand and gesture between them, voice low and conspiratorial “circus act?” 

Feeling baited Kara steps forward, locking eyes with the man and squaring her shoulders. Seeing no point in trying to be sugary or civil. “Long time no see Morgan, Last I heard Edge Global was circling the drain on its way to being sued out of its ass. How are the 17 allegations of workplace mistreatment going for you?” Kara gets a little in his face, maintaining eye contact as the man in front of her begins to turn a wonderful mixture of red and purple. She remembers fondly the few times Supergirl has been able to apprehend him. “At least, that’s what I hear from Catco.” 

What Edge says next can barely be categorised as words, a series of grunts and squealing noises accentuated by excessive finger pointing, never touching Kara’s face but getting very close. Spit flies as he begins to cuss but Kara holds her stance, unflinchingly holding his eye. Lena comes to stand between them, one hand on Kara’s arm the other held up into Morgan's face. He recoils. 

“As lovely as this introduction has been, I think it's time you took your leave Mr Edge.” Edge doesn’t seem to react well to being instructed but the crowd his outburst has drawn keeps him minimally obedient. He storms off in a huff, grabbing at the first waiter he reaches and barking for a drink. Shoving his way back through the mass of guests and blessedly away from Kara and Lena. 

“Thank you.” Lena mutters when the onlookers have dispersed, following the drama of the seething man away from them, they walk further still from the crowd together. Lena relinks their arms, hand on her bicep. Kara flexes minimally under the touch, just in case. They find a quiet corner of table and stools and take a moment to sit together. “I thought you were a goner after the waiter, those women made you white as a sheet.” Lena admits smiling through concerned eyes. They hold hands over the table, Lena squeezing lightly over her knuckles. 

Kara allows herself to look a little embarrassed at the observation. Wiping lightly at the table with a flat palm, keeping her eyes on their joined hands. 

“I guess I wasn’t prepared for them to be so,” Kara squirms a little in her seat, “mean.” It sounds childish and naive but Lena smiles at her regardless, running a comforting hand down her forearm. Kara feels a little bravery seep in at the action. “Doing all this has felt strange, but not… bad. It's a good weird being with you.” 

Her own wording makes her cringe, but Lena’s eyes seem to shine with understanding at the statement. She doesn’t say anything more, looking out past her as if the comment gave her a lot to think about. Kara imagines being able to hear the gears whirring in her head as the woman thinks, cursing the yellow sun for not giving her the ability to read minds, wanting nothing more than to know. The wishful thinking of an alien absorbed far too much into her feelings hopes she takes up as many of Lena’s thoughts as that brunette does hers. 

The number of people approaching them dwindles as the night winds down, content to just sit and observe from their corner together. A few friendly faces make the effort to join them for a drink, each visitor fleeting but cheerful. All people who seem to actually give a shit about Lena or Kara or both. Jack Spheer is a notable example, strolling his way towards them, handsome and casual as he greets them, shaking Kara’s hand with a knowing little smirk set to his lips. 

“The silent auctions are going swimmingly last I checked.” Jack leans against the table, champagne in hand and gesturing broadly, “but you may be causing a fist fight between Henry and David, they’re taking turns hogging the clipboard attached to the weekend getaway.” 

“Do you have an estimate for the money we’ve raised?” Lena asks, accepting a new drink from a passing waiter. 

“It’s hard to guess in a room full of pretentious rich bastards, but I assume we’ll be smashing your goals quite soundly.” He toasts his drink to clink the glass with Lena’s. She tilts to humour him and shares a smile with her old friend, Kara finds herself smiling with them, Lena’s comfort contagious. 

Jack ends up being more than correct, the silent auctions closing to a resounding success. The highest bidder of the night is announced to be Henry on a tropical weekend getaway. David visibly steams at the announcement, Kara takes great pleasure from seeing him upset and hopes that the young waiter he tripped is somewhere also enjoying the visual. 

The applause is short-lived however, cut off by a microphone squealing from the stage. Kara looks to the noise with a cold sense of dread pooling in the base of her spine. The sweaty, stumbling drunk in a grey suit doesn’t bring any peace to the feeling. The MC makes a valiant effort to take the microphone from the inebriated form of Morgan Edge, wrestling the man and causing more sound interference, the crowd moves to block their ears and the poor MC is thrown to the ground. Morgan says nothing for a few long moments, breathing heavily into the mic and using the podium at centre stage to support his weight. 

“L-ladies and gennerman..” He slurs, the crowd of guests that had calmed to a milling and seated rumble, buzz with a new energy at the realisation the man intends to make a speech. Lena and Kara look to each other for a moment, horror dawning, and begin to make their way towards the stage. “I wish to speak with you all today. Because there are liars among us.” The crowd breaks into a mixture of murmurs and giggles as the red-faced man waggles his finger. 

There’s a flash that seems to momentarily blind him, at least one of the photographers at this event thinking to immortalise the stupidity of this moment, Kara can see security beginning to pool at the stage steps. Jess yells into her headset from the catering table. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, you may be aware that the Luthor family are running this particular show tonight and I want to make a very clear statement; I do not give a single shit about whatever hospitals or children they claim to be sending our hard-earned money to, the Luthors will not be handling a single cent of my fortune.” The man sways dangerously overzealous in his gesturing, looking as if he may fall for a moment. Somehow, he straightens himself. 

Lena stops trying to push her way through the crowd, instead she turns to watch Edge as he continues to make a fool of himself. 

“Little Lena Luthor thinks she has us fooled, but no. We are not the fools, she is the fool. A foolish fool. So foolish that she honestly believes she can fool any one of us by paying a journalist to play house with her for a night.” HIs accusation yelled into the mic as the air stills and the crowd erupts in a new wave of murmurs. Morgan continues on his rantings but it fails to make any further impression on Kara, too focussed now with the people surrounding them. Surely these drunken ramblings can’t be taken seriously? 

Lena’s heart hammers in her chest but she shows none of her discomfort in her face, seeming to take all of the insults without so much as a flinch. But the crowd around them begin to thicken, encircling and filled with glaring eyes and whispered hatred. The words ‘paid’ and ‘journalist’ seem to float most prominent. Allies too few and too scattered to do any kind of damage control. Their plan is failing, Kara watches as the mask they’d spent the night building begins to crumble before them. 

Lena steps away from her, towards the stage and edge as if she intends to stop him herself, but the damage is done as he drops the microphone, promptly falling down the stairs.

Lena turns back towards her, eyes shiny and searching. This would be the perfect moment for a sweeping romantic gesture, a declaration in front of everyone, a moment of romantic redemption to save the night. There is a moment of expectant silence, a charge running through the air between them. 

But Kara doesn’t find her voice, she can’t find the courage within herself to save this moment. Lena slips away from her, signalling something to Jess and carving a path back through the crowd of disbelievers. Kara says nothing, voice lost, legs wobbling as she tries to step towards her. 

Lena Luthor takes her leave.

“How much do you reckon she paid the blonde?” A leering whisper of a woman amongst the sea of new-found gossip floats to Kara’s ears. 

“Clearly not enough.” The man on her arm answers. 

They’ve failed at the final hurdle. If reports emerge in the coming days of Morgan Edge being unexpectedly thrown into the sun, Kara certainly had nothing to do with it. 

She runs to the entrance when feeling returns to her legs, just in time for a front row seat to Lena’s car speeding away into the night. She just about launches herself after her but remembers her surroundings belatedly, stumbling forward onto the road. Too many witnesses to give chase. So she stands still, in the centre of the road. Forced to watch as the woman she loves drives away to the charming soundtrack of whispered rumours of treacherous guests, and Morgan Edge upchucking into a pot plant behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all next week with the final chapter.
> 
> Tumblr: justamessatthispoint


	6. What If

Despite being a truly terrible liar. For the entirety of her time spent on this planet Kara Zor-El has been hiding, her heritage, her knowledge, her powers. She’s spent the past 14 years shielding others from herself. Shrouding herself in an identity full of secrets and half truths. So now as she stands in the empty road and watches Lena get further and further away her loudest instinct is to stay there, to protect Lena from any more of herself. But there is a quiet part in the back of her mind, one that she’s trained herself to block out that tells her to run, to go to her and to allow herself to open up to someone new. 

Whispered words float around her, onlookers gossiping and gawking at her breaking her own heart. “Go you idiot.” Jess’s voice rises to the surface no more than a comment under her breath. Kara turns to the noise, looking up to make eye contact with the young woman in the doorway, she tilts her head in the direction of the car. “Go.” She whispers again. 

She starts at a jog, maintaining that speed until she’s sure the eyes following her have moved on. It’s only when she’s sure she’s isn’t seen that she breaks into a full speed sprint. Blurring into the night. It's laughably poetic that the sky opens into a downpour as she gives chase. The weather morphs to an all out storm, as the sky darkens to a fierce black above her. The rain doesn't slow her down, water rolling off her in a spray. She wipes the droplets from her face as they combine with her tears. A dramatic cliche she could've done without.

It takes seconds for her to catch up, skidding to slow down on the wet asphalt in dress shoes. She runs alongside the vehicle as it speeds along, not that keeping pace aides her all that much, 40mph not exactly the ideal speed for conversation.

If Lena’s driver is shocked by the woman keeping speed with his car he doesn’t show it. Glancing at her through the side mirror as if she’s just another vehicle on the road, Kara takes a moment to wonder just how many of Lena’s staff are aware of her super secret, probably not the time to worry about that. He doesn’t stop, Lena doesn’t ask him to stop and Kara begins to slow down in her running as they enter more populated parts of the city. Lena doesn’t spare her a look, window up and looking down. 

The little secret keeper inside her continues to scream at her blatant self exposure. 'Protect, hide, leave it alone.' It repeats in an echoing mantra, over and over. It's infuriating. 

There's a second voice that she clings to now, her fighting spirit telling to be a hero for once in her life. To stop being so scared to take a risk. You did it once and became Supergirl, you can do it again. Don't lose her, not now. Not for this. Save the day, get the girl and all that other hero stuff. 

She lets the car speed away, figuring there's nothing she can do until they either arrive at their destination or stop at a light. Switching out a silent chase for listening out and waiting.

Lena needed her for one thing tonight. And she failed her for what? Acting in love should’ve been the easiest task Lena could’ve ever given her. And she’s made a fool of her. Embarrassed her so thoroughly that she was forced to leave her own event in disgrace. 

Alex was right, she blew the biggest chance she’s ever had. 

But if Kara is anything she’s hopeful. There has to be hope, Kara has to believe that there’s hope for her now. She's clumsy and she’s acted incredibly selfish but she’s in love so there has to be some sort of chance left. She was too absorbed into herself, her feelings, and her problems. She'd spent so much time thinking about Lena that she'd neglected to think of Lena. It’s not an excuse but she’d been blinded by her feelings. 

The other emotion Kara feels bubbling to the surface is anger. Anger at edge, anger with the treachery of Lena's guests but most of all anger at herself. What coward she’d proven to be. This city’s supposed beacon of selflessness and heroics had failed. There was not true villain tonight, just her and her stupid secrets.

Lena had only asked for a favour from a friend, and Kara had screwed up so badly she would’ve been better off paying a stranger. Kara sits at the thought, alone in the rain and waiting for a woman who never asked for her to love her for real. This was all just acting for Lena, all business and necessity. It’s not fair of Kara to expect anything more than that.

And maybe that was part of the problem, optimistic expectations. All the hopes and wishes of a lovestruck girl getting in the way of her being able to see anything beyond herself. Kara puts her head in her hands, what a selfless hero you turned out to be Danvers. Alex will probably kill her after Lena is done rejecting her. 

And she should reject her. She has every right too. What quality has she shown of herself tonight? A spineless idiot doesn’t make for girlfriend material. And that’s all relying on a ridiculous hope that Lena even feels the same way. Or felt the same way.

Lena’s heartbeat hammers in her ears from far away, but the car rumble that had accompanied it for so long has ceased. This might be Kara’s only chance. 

She leaps. 

Lena's apartment balcony reveals itself to be a far more obvious choice of destination than Kara would care to admit. As a journalist she probably should've put those dots together a little faster. Of course Lena would go home. She probably should've just arrived here to begin with, instead of chasing a car she couldn't communicate with. Kara drags her hands over her face and groans, wiping water out of eyes.

Kara stands and waits, soaked through in the rain and dripping onto the concrete. The heartbeat she tuned herself to is getting slowly closer. The hammering becoming a torturous reminder of her mistakes, the beat never slowing. She discards her glasses to her pockets, the water impeding the frames, she scans her X-ray vision through the building finding Lena in the elevator, watching as she ascends. 

What a careless fool she must seem like. She wonders what goes through Lena’s head as she spots her through the glass doors of her balcony. Wanting desperately for the second time tonight to have the ability to read minds. Lena pauses in the entryway, heel halfway off, frozen by the scene Kara's created. She watches as the brunette drops her bags by the door, wiping at her eyes when she thinks Kara can’t see. It shatters her to think that Lena’s been crying. 

Lena approaches the glass. Floor length windows and a locked door separating them. the rain continues to beat down on the open balcony, her beautiful suit soggy and waterlogged. 

Neither of them move for a long moment. Lena hesitates in letting her in, hand on the door handle, unmoving. 

She shouldn’t let her in, by every standard tonight Kara has failed her. She doesn’t exactly deserve redemption for her selfishness. Lena has every right to leave her to the rain. But there’s something in the shine to Lena’s eyes, and Kara hears the unlatching of the lock. Lena steps back as the door opens, keeping her distance but inviting her in. 

Kara lurches forward, stumbling, clumsy and squelching with water into the living room. An apology on the tip of her tongue and her hands outstretched for Lena’s. She’s blocked by a palm on her chest, pushing her lightly to a stop. 

“I know I deserve an explanation but I also don’t want to have to mop up after you.” Lena’s doesn’t look at her as she speaks, her hand doesn’t move from her chest. “Stay here. Take your shoes off and let me get you a towel before you make a mess of my rug.” Her voice is level but raw, lacking any of the bite that Kara expected. She watches her as she turns still in her gown and disappears further into the penthouse. Normally she would super-speed to dry herself, but as she's surrounded by Lena's very nice, clean, white furniture, Kara thinks that might not be the best idea. Water doesn't just disappear and Kara doesn't think that shaking like a dog on her wooden floors would get a positive reaction from Lena. So she waits patiently for the brunette to come back with a towel, gently squishing out of her shoes and socks.

Lena brings two towels out with her, fluffy and folded in her arms. Kara reaches for them as she nears her but Lena evades her. Instead she places one towel on the couch and unfolds another, stepping into Kara's space and wrapping the towel around her. Lena’s arms follow the towel shortly and Kara loses her voice again as Lena begins drying her. 

"I could hear that brain of yours whirring away from the other room." Lena says, hands gentle. "I do have two things I'd like to say before you launch into whatever speech you have planned. The first is that the way you acted tonight really hurt me and whilst I would like an explanation..." Her voice falters a little, hands shaking through the towel. Kara takes a moment to feel ashamed of herself. "The second is that I forgive you." She stops touching her and looks up, eye's sweet and entirely underserved. “Because the Kara that I know would never have done any of what happened tonight on purpose, and by next week the gossip mill will have moved on to bigger and better things.” Kara spared a thought to the photographers that had swarmed as Edge fell down the stage steps. Perhaps they wouldn’t be the focus of the night. 

Her almost casual gifting of forgiveness sends Kara reeling a little, she fights at the instinct to take a step back from it. Lena's hands are warm and steady at her shoulders ground her a little, to stay in the moment. She takes a few breaths to calm herself, feeling the air hitch in her throat, closing her eyes is all she can do to stop herself from crying. Refusing to let her tears fall before she's even made an attempt at an apology.

"I-I'm always so consumed by my own hiding. if it wasn't being an alien, it was Supergirl and if it wasn't Supergirl, it was my feelings. And - and hiding hurts, it hurts everyone, but especially it hurts the people dearest to me. And I never know when to tell them because I've been told all my life that sharing my secrets will put people in danger." Kara takes a deep breath, struggling to keep her voice steady. "I guess somewhere along the line I started applying that to everything in my life. That if my problems, my emotions, my guilt were to fall onto anyone else's shoulders i'd be burdening them with hiding too." She remembers to breath only barely, tethered by Lena's heartbeat, steady and true. "And I never wanted to burden you, all I ever wanted to do was help you. but I hurt you anyway." She brings her hands to cover Lena's where they still rest at her shoulders. rasping at her with a desperation she doesn't have words for.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I wasn’t what you needed tonight. I was selfish and childish and thought of no one but myself. I’m sorry that I’ve never shared all of myself with you but I want to start.” She looks at Lena when she speaks, maintaining eye contact despite the tears that begin to form. “I want to start. I want to do better, I will do better.” 

She’s made a lot of promises in her life, broken quite a few of them. One of them tonight. But she can’t allow for any of this to just be words. Heavier phrases weigh in her mind. Lena wraps the towel properly around her shoulders, stepping back from her, taking her hands from Kara's as she goes. The space is clarifying but cold, Kara grips to the towel to stop herself from reaching out.

Three words hold such gravity within her that Kara feels physically weighed down, the terrifying phase sitting heavy in chest, jumping up and clawing at her throat. 

Lena seems to look straight through her, staring into the depths of her, seeing too much and not nearly enough simultaneously. She’s re-established the distance they had, saying very little but not looking away. Absorbing all that Kara had to say, quietly letting it all sink in for a moment. Every step between them adds to the restricting in Kara’s chest. Neither of them move, both seeming to wait for a miracle to walk in, force them together and voice all the heavy things for them.

The miracle doesn’t happen. Lena gains her composure first. Straightening out her shoulders and dusting at the front of her dress, smoothing the fabric idly. “You weren't the person I needed tonight Kara. And the more I think about it the more ridiculous I feel. I should never have asked such a thing of you. But then you were making promises and exchanging photos and flirting and I thought- I thought perhaps it would be easy with you. That perhaps I’d stumbled into- something with you.” Lena takes several deep breaths, voice shaking, clearly trying to form more words but nothing more comes out. Kara watches as the fumbling half sentences crumble to sobs. 

The sight is startling enough to set her into motion, discarding the towel and stepping further into the room. She’s damp and probably freezing to the touch but as she takes the smaller woman into her arms it doesn't seem to matter. Lena relaxes at the touch, accepting and loose as Kara holds her to her chest. Hoping beyond hope that Lena can hear how she makes her heart race. It’s jarring to realise Lena blames herself more than she blames Kara. She holds the brunette tighter to her. 

A dam within the both of them breaks. Washing out and over the two of them, overwhelming, emotional and a little snotty. They cling to each other as it happens, not sure which one is anchoring the other. They remain wrapped in each others arms, Lena's head on Kara's shoulder, Kara’s lips on her temple, when it happens.

Bursting at the seams in the quiet of Lena's living room she says it, four words that hang in the air around them, changing very little but transforming everything.

“I love you Lena.” The words spill out easy and light as a feather, the weight that had made a home in her chest suddenly feeling overdramatic and incredibly silly. Lena takes a step back from her, eye’s still wet but a smile breaking through, glorious and bright. Something electric buzzes around Kara’s ears, zipping down her spine. 

This time when Kara feels like floating she takes Lena with her, giggling and heart fluttering in her chest.

They have a long way they need to go, but this feels distinctly like a beginning. As they hold each other surrounded by quiet confessions. Kara is still damp from the rain but Lena doesn’t seem to mind as she clings to her, smile easy, immaculate hair loose in its pins.

It took a stupid idea combined with a terrible mistake but they got there eventually. It’s there in the living room with Lena standing on her toes several inches from the ground that they share their first kiss. Kara will tell people later that she definitely made the first move, but those closest to the couple know that it was Lena who leans up, grabbing Kara by the collar and kissing her soundly.

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this marks the end of the fake dating AU, thank you all for coming along for the ride. It's been a very long time since i've written fanfic for anything but it's been really fun getting back into it.  
> I hope to be writing more supercorp AUs in the near future but in the meantime you're welcome to come hangout with me over on tumblr.  
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> tumblr: justamessatthispoint


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